The Inapporpriate 3 Year Old

We all went to Brandi's Championship Slowpitch Softball Game on Wednesday. A sure shot to win the gold, Brandi's team hadn't lost a game since 2007. Caren and I set up the lawn chairs on the grassy hill behind the backstop, a great place to watch the B-Train steam roll the competition. Brandi wasn't in the line up for some dumb reason, but simply the EH (Extra Hitter). As the girl who took B's spot in left center continuously let balls drop and runs score, my attention was drawn to a small boy. My guess, three years old. He was all over his mom, tugging her hair, rubbing his hands on her face, pouting and whining. Why shouldn't he, everytime he did, his mother gave him a kiss. There are a lot of bad parenting techniques in use today, but I digress. What followed was easily one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. As the little boy stood behind his mom, he started tugging at his shorts. Thinking he must have an itch near his hip flexor I didn't think anything of it, that is until the shorts started coming down. With every forceful itch like tug more and more skin was revealed. It wasn't long and his little penis popped out. Like a train wreck my eyes were glued. I couldn't even speak, I wanted to nudge Caren but was frozen, eyes locked on this tiny protrution. As my jaw dropped into my lap, the little boy proceeded to relieve himself directly behind his mother's back. As a short stream of urin arched through the warm night air, his mother overheard the watery substance hitting the grass, earily close to her hand. Double take. You can imagine my face at this point, eyes bugged out, jaw in lap, and hands gripping my lawn chair as a huge smile sweeps over my face. "Woah, what are you doing?!! You need to tell Mommy when you need to pee! I'll take you behind a tree or something!" Either the little boy was done or the pee was jolted back inside after the sudden outburst by his mom. Without saying a word, he yanked up his shorts. At this point I am in tears laughing my ass off, trying to hide my face in my shirt. Thankfully, Caren saw the whole thing. We laughed and laughed for about ten minutes. Although Brandi didn't get any action, we did!

Oh, and by the way, Brandi's team lost the Championship game. Maybe you should have played her since she's YOUR BEST PLAYER! Idiots.